Friday, August 23, 2013

losing your mind is not an option.....

My husband will leave the hospital tomorrow with no more chemo to do. He had 8 rounds of it and it has been pure hell. 8 rounds of 5 days a week in 7 months. 7 spinal taps, several bouts of fever, infection and unknown bacteria. He is grateful for the end of it.
We now move onto the second round of the treatment, possible bone marrow transplant at MD Anderson in Houston, Texas.
He is understandably afraid.
We are both bewildered and incredibly sad.
When he comes home we will have a little peace, about 8 weeks of it, before the actual transplant. (If I have all the facts straight, and if he has a matching donor) Then he will become an inpatient in Houston and I will have to return to Louisisana. He may be there for 3 months.
I have to work to keep the bills paid. It's necessary fact of life.
I wish I could stay with him. I can't imagine the horror of letting him go thru this alone but we have no choice. It's that or lose everything. We have worked for 16 years to buy and build our house. My husband wants to keep it and will not allow me to try to get a leave of absence.
I could let the house go in an instant.
How will I be able to stand this? This is not happily ever after.
I feel as though I am about to lose my mind.