Sunflower Herb Farm: peaceful day and wishful thinking

Sunflower Herb Farm: peaceful day and wishful thinking: We are about to be discharged from the hospital as soon as he sees the doctor. I'm sitting here going thru our old pictures, looking at ...

peaceful day and wishful thinking

We are about to be discharged from the hospital as soon as he sees the doctor. I'm sitting here going thru our old pictures, looking at those great active vacations we used to take. Makes me lonesome for our life. In the process of trying to keep his weight up,despite the chemo, I have gained 40-50 pounds. I am a slug.
I think I need to start trying to be healthy again.

losing your mind is not an option.....

My husband will leave the hospital tomorrow with no more chemo to do. He had 8 rounds of it and it has been pure hell. 8 rounds of 5 days a week in 7 months. 7 spinal taps, several bouts of fever, infection and unknown bacteria. He is grateful for the end of it.
We now move onto the second round of the treatment, possible bone marrow transplant at MD Anderson in Houston, Texas.
He is understandably afraid.
We are both bewildered and incredibly sad.
When he comes home we will have a little peace, about 8 weeks of it, before the actual transplant. (If I have all the facts straight, and if he has a matching donor) Then he will become an inpatient in Houston and I will have to return to Louisisana. He may be there for 3 months.
I have to work to keep the bills paid. It's necessary fact of life.
I wish I could stay with him. I can't imagine the horror of letting him go thru this alone but we have no choice. It's that or lose everything. We have worked for 16 years to buy and build our house. My husband wants to keep it and will not allow me to try to get a leave of absence.
I could let the house go in an instant.
How will I be able to stand this? This is not happily ever after.
I feel as though I am about to lose my mind.

Oranges from neighbors

Someone gave me a beautiful bag of just picked oranges, so me being myself; I made a cake with them.
Here's the recipe:
1 basic yellow cake recipe, zest and juice of 6 medium oranges.
Proceed with recipe using the juice of oranges instead of liquid recipe suggests.
Mix batter gently until ingredients are incorporated, then beat 2 mins with a hand mixer.
Pour into two oiled and floured 8 inch round cake pans. Set temp to 325 and bake for 15 mins then
Rotate and bake 15 more mins. Cool for 15 mins. Turn out on rack to cool.
Orange syrup:
1/2 cup sugar, 1/2 cup fresh orange juice. Bring to a boil and stir on low to completely
dissolve sugar. Using pastry brush, paint layers with orange syrup. Let cool entirely.
Frosting:
1/2 stick of unsalted butter, 1/2 stick of shortening, 1/4 cup of fresh orange juice,
1/ 8 cup of triple sec ( orange liquer). 5 cups confection sugar. Stir until all ingredients begin to
Hold together. Beat on med speed until fluffy about 2 mins then add zest of two oranges
And beat for another min.
Frost bottom layer with about 1/2 cup of frosting then frost with the rest of cake.

I love fresh citrus. While we are waiting for our new trees to produce our
country neighbors are gracious and share oranges with us.
I will certainly share the fresh mulberry jelly I am making in a few weeks. I love to trade!

hospital window

Well, here at the hospital for the second round of deadly chemo
. My poor husband has had so much of it this week that he became toxic and
had to be given lasix to bring down swelling. He is so nauseated and tired. The doctor says only 6 more treatments, ,and at least 4 more spinals, at least 2 more bone marrow biopsies.
I will never complain again if I have a cold, or any other ailment. His suffering is almost
more than I can bear.
tomorrow will mark one year ago that we moved into our house.
I feel so sad that we will still be here at the hospital,
he has been diagnosed with a very aggressive leukemia. it requires a week of chemo, in a hospital, every 3 weeks. but..that's when things are uncomplicated. If he gets an infection, or a blood clot or fever, he's stays longer. of course, all of these things have happened.
we are so sad. I can't say it any other way,
It"s spring and we should be getting our herb beds ready. I don't have the energy
or the will.
I saw fresh strawberries at a fruit stand on Friday. I will go home and make fresh jam
for him.
And a loaf of homemade buttermilk bread..
Yes..that is what I will do. Maybe he will eat if I do this.
Perhaps our next blog will say happy things. .

happily ever after is just a bedtime story

Here's the thing:
my beloved, my cherished husband , the wonderful man I love..........was just diagnosed with cancer. We um, don't know what kind yet, his doctors agree it's lymphoma or leukemia. We are heartbroken. What began as trip to the doctor's office for the flu, has become a nightmare of something horrific and unbelievable. . This can't be happening. He is the love of my entire life.
I can't be here without him. This isn't supposed to happen.
When did God decide we weren't supposed to live happily ever after?

Spring is coming in a few months. I know it's January, but the seed catalogs are here! Yay!