I have to say it.
I had a complete meltdown Saturday. We have put off building our house and starting our farm for months. We have been in our middle of town IN a second story APARTMENT for 1 and 1/2 yrs. ONE AND ONE HALF YEARS.
We had driven out to our property that day to broadcast some red clover . Afterwards we went to sit on a little hill to watch the sun go down. It was a perfect, warm spring day.
I just broke down and couldnt stop crying.
My husband, who doesn't do any of the gardening (past the tilling and tractoring) could not understand the rush of emotion that I was feeling.
"What is it?" he said.
I said, " Kyle, it's spring and I can't tolerate or live with the fact that I'm going to spend another season in that apartment. If I had known we wouldnt have started building right away I would have never let you sell that farm!"
He thought a minute and said," Honey, you know the economy is bad here ,to start our farm over right now is very risky. Just building our house is risky right now. I'm afraid we could lose everything."
Looking over at him with my dirty teary face I retorted, " I will die if I can't start this house and build up the farm now, this year." I threw myself on the ground and starting wailing in earnest.
He didn't say anything, just walked away to finish sowing the seeds. (He is a wise man. He knows you can't reason with a woman who has just thrown herself face down in the grass.)
After the sun went down, he came back, picked me up off the ground and drove us back to town.
I thought, "He's heartless. He can't see my heart is breaking."
Well, of course, I was wrong.
He told me to call the contractors yesterday and make an appointment to buy our houseplans.
I am a little embarassed now about the meltdown, but I am happy that he will at least try to help me be a little less hopeless. Spring makes me feel a little nuts. Without my gardens and dirt in my hands, I don't know who I am.
I am grateful that he loves me. He is a good man.